I Keep Forgetting I Have This Blog

Still don’t have much to post. Except this:

No, No, No, Fail Blog…

This is a win.

An Update On Life

Kelly’s found something better to do than ramble aimlessly at me in the mornings.

I beat The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion in under 35 hours. The main storyline, I mean, with about half the Dark Brotherhood quests done and lots of exploring. And I’m a vampire. w00t!

Caitlin’s back at the Glenrose Hospital. She might be stuck there til June.

My favorite headphones died today. I am saddened. They lasted me a good long time.

Much skipping of classes has been done. And mucho falling behind in classwork as well.

Also:

Am I The Only Person Who Sees This As Hitler With Eyeliner?

Something Random

You know what question I hate? “What came first? The chicken or the egg?” Bitch, please! The EGG came first because DINOSAURS were laying eggs long before chickens EVER existed.

Trapped

Stuck within my own mind. Thoughts never ceasing, driving me mad. Will this not go away? Will I never, ever escape this torment? You’d be disgusted to know that all of what I need is in my head. Don’t need to talk to people cuz you’ve all got a copy inside my head. That’s right, you could be sitting across from me, talking to a good friend and ignoring me while in my head, you and that friend are talking with me, oh-so-interested in what I have to say. And you always ask all the right questions, gasp in all the right places and love me unconditionally.

I sound like a sociopath. Perhaps I am. But I want to talk to people for real, not this all-in-my-head business. I want to have friends again. I want to stop being a self-pitying, self-loathing, self-serving, frigid, antisocial bitch. I want to stop imagining my life away. I need to stop daydreaming about a family that loves me for who I am, about being lovable… This is just depressing.

I Skipped School and Got Away With It!

Don’t mind me, I’m just being childish. But I did skip school and I did get away without being yelled at. Fake a panic attack and everything will be alright. I’m not proud, though I sound like I am.

I’m strangely really tired. I got 12 hours of sleep last night. Why am I tired? And I’ve also been gaining weight again. Had an episode of extreme apathy today. Was pretty angry at Mary Anne. Weird day today.

Why Genius Sucks

Click to see a bigger picture and the fail that is Genius. The program is supposed to take one song, collect songs similar to it from your library and put it into a playlist for you. Last time I checked Marilyn Manson was nothing like The Crüxshadows. Genius is just one epic fail in my mind.

What The Hell

I have this burning thirst and, no matter how much water I drink, I can’t get rid of it. My body temperature is kinda crazy too. I feel hot, like my blood is boiling. Drinking water is about as effective as dumping ice into an oil-fed fire.

Depression. It Sucks.

My depression has been bad just of late. I’ve been thinking of suicide a lot. I figured out another way to go without any razor blades or poisons. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. It’s so simple.

I got into The Crüxshadows a couple weeks ago and it’s all I’ve been listening to. It’s funny: 2 weeks and 451 listens later, they’re already my second most listened-to artist on Last.FM.

I can’t put my thoughts into coherent form.

Useless Information

Name: Melissa Wilson
Single or taken: single… possibly for life
Birthday: Feb.25
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Blue
Height: 4′11 and a half

R E L A T I O N S H I P S
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: bi
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:I wish

F A S H I O N | S T U F F
Where is your favourite place to shop for clothes:don’t really have one
Any tattoos or piercings: my earlobes pierced
What do you usually wear?: jeans, t-shirt, hoodie, vest

S P E C I F I C S
Do you do drugs? fuck no
What are you most scared of? losing people I care about
What are you listening to right now: One More Time-Daft Punk
Who is the last person that you called?: can’t remember
Where do you want to get married?: dunno
What would you change about yourself? I wanna be thinner, I wanna lose my bad habits

F A V O R I T E S
Colors: Black, blue, green
Movies: Moon Child
TV shows: CSI

H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
Smoked? nope
Made yourself throw up?: yes
Ever been in love?: I don’t think so
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?:no
Cried when someone died?: no
Lied: yes. I sometimes believe my own lies I’m that good
Fallen for your best friend?: maybe
Rejected someone?: no
Used someone?: maybe
Done something you regret?: yeah

C U R R E N T
Clothes: jeans, t-shirt
Music: Illusion-VNV Nation
Annoyance: thin excuses

L A S T | P E R S O N
You texted: Caitlin
You cuddled with: no one
You kissed: no one

A R E | Y O U
Understanding: I try to be
Open-minded: I try to be
Arrogant: sometimes
Persistant: sometimes
Insecure: yes
Smart:in some ways, but stupid in so many other ways
Moody:kind of
Hard working: no
Organized: nope
Difficult: I can be
Bored easily: yup
Angry: sometimes
Sad: a good chunk of the time
Happy: rarely
Hyper: whenever I drink energy drinks
Trusting: kind of

No Wonder the Whole World Hates the US

I’ve been watching Bowling For Columbine and after someone comments that [Americans] don’t shoot, drop bombs on, or fire missiles at people they’re angry with, there is a list of things the American govt has done out of anger/frustration. Such as:

1. 1953: US overthrows Prime Minister Mossadeq of Iran and installs Shah as a dictator
2. 1954: US overthrows democratically-elected President Arbenz of Guatemala. 200 000 citizens killed
3. 1963: US backs assassination of South Vietnamese President Diem
4. 1963-1975: American military kills 4 million people in southeast Asia
5. September 11, 1973: US stages coup in Chile. Democratically-elected President Salvador Allende assassinated. Dictator Augusto Pinochet is installed. 5000 Chileans murdered
6. 1977: US backs military rulers of El Salvador. 70 000 Salvadorans killed
7. 1980’s: US trains Osama bin Laden (!!!) and fellow terrorists to kill Soviets. CIA gives them $3 billion
8. 1981: Reagan administration trains and funds “contras”. 30 000 Nicaraguans die
9. 1982: US provides billions in aid to Saddam Hussein (!!!) for weapons to kill Iranians
10. 1983: White House secretly gives Iran weapons to kill Iraqis
11. 1989: CIA agent Manuel Noriega (serving as President of Panama) disobeys orders from Washington. US invades Panama and removes Noriega. 3000 civilian casualties
12. 1990: Iraq invade Kuwait with weapons from US
13. 1991: US invades Iraq. Bush reinstates dictator of Kuwait
14. 1998: President Clinton bombs “weapons factory” in Sudan. Factory turns out to be making Asprin
15. 1991-present: American planes bomb Iraq on a weekly basis. UN estimates 500 000 Iraqi children die from bombings and sanctions
16. 2000-2001: US gives Taliban-ruled Afghanistan $245 million in “aid”
17. September 11, 2001: Osama bin Laden uses his expert CIA training to murder 3000 people

I’m thanking my lucky fucking stars that I am Canadian. I don’t think I could handle it if my own country had committed such atrocities.

…

Sometimes it’s just too hard to ignore the fact that I am the human equivalent of a blank canvas. No personality. No life. Nothing real. Nothing that defines me as a real person.

Moon Child

So, yeah, I have just watched another Asian movie (being directed/filmed in Asia and having mostly Asian cast) and I must conclude that out of all Asian movies I’ve watched (which aren’t many) I must say they are better than Canadian/American/European-directed movies. I find they hold my attention longer, have more believable characters (even when the characters are vampires), and have better plot.

I just watched Moon Child, as stated above in the title, and that movie is nearly 2 hours. I liked the movie more than I thought I would, having 2 famous singers (Gackt and Hyde) starring as the main characters(Sho and Kei). The movie starts with lots of hand-held camera shots and 2 people running whilst a cheery female voice announces that there are 2 and a half hours to the new year. The couple have a cryptic conversation until they are spotted by police. It switches to the title and we are introduced to Mallepa in the year 2014. A news reporter talks about a demonstration gone bad and speculates what caused it. It flashes to crowds walking down streets and follows three children. The camera tilts down from a sign to a guy in a suit with a silver case. He puts the case in his car. One of the boys (Toshi) pretends to be hurt, lying front of the car, and the guy goes to tell Toshi to clear off. The boy with the bat (Shinji) grabs the silver case and the boys take off. The thieves split up and Shinji is followed. It cuts to the third little boy (Sho) in a ruined warehouse. Sho notices someone (Kei) lying in a corner. Sho attempts to loot them but is caught. Suddenly sunlight streams through a hole in the ceiling and into the corner near Kei. Kei gasps as his hand is caught by the sunlight. Sho watches his hand burn in trepidation, asking Kei if he is alright. Kei repeatedly tells Sho to go away. And so Sho takes Kei to their makeshift home. Toshi and Shinji attempt to open the case they stole. They succeed and find it’s filled with money. Meanwhile, Sho tries to get Kei to eat. While Toshi and Shinji celebrate, the previous owner of the case walks into the scene toting a gun and demands the money to be returned. Shinji tosses something at him and gets shot almost immediately. Sho runs after Toshi until he hears the guy scream and runs back. Shinji, having limped out of the warehouse, warns Sho to not go back inside. Sho doesn’t listen and finds Kei drinking the mafia guy’s blood. Kei asks if Sho is afraid. Sho replies with a shake of his head and a grin. So ends the introduction.

The movie is strangely very good. I’ll admit that there was one scene where the acting got kinda shaky, and sometimes the movie got a little corny. And there are 4 languages being spoken; Japanese, Cantonese, Mandarin, and English. If you’re clever you can pick out where and when each language is spoken. The tattoo scene made me do a double-take. Ninjas, misinformed foreigners, accented English and tattoos. That’s all I have to say. The shoot-outs are ridiculous. Fun, but ridiculous. There’s also a lot of deaths in this movie. It’s pretty sad actually. The ending is very symbolic, and you have to kind of hang on to the idea of afterlife first mentioned by the detective and remember the beach scene to understand it.

Just Something COMPLETELY Random

While watching a video of AccountingNightmare play through Devil May Cry 2, I just realized that Argosax the Chaos gives birth, as it dies, to The Despair Embodied instead of The Despair Embodied just popping out of nowhere like I remember.

So, OMG, I Got A Haircut

For the first time in 2 years, I had my crazy-long hair butchered. I’d post a picture of myself, but in every single picture I’ve taken I look stoned or half-dead. So, yeah. It’s shoulder-length. And now I see pink and blue dots. And now they turn orange. Amusing.

WHOOOHOOOOO!

I didn’t sleep last night. *giggle* And I’ve had too much coffee. Be afraid. Very afraid. It’s 8am and no one should have this much energy at this time of day. Muahahaha. |v|04/2 (0ph33 |>12. Coffee=mass amount energy-sanity+crash.

…

I’m bored. I’m tired. I just wiped my Last.FM listening data. Last.FM data will take up to 24 hours to clear. Why so long? Whatever.

I don’t wanna go to bed. I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna do that. Yadda yadda yadda. Bitch bitch bitch. Whine whine whine.

I Must Write About This

Ronan Harris, and VNV Nation in general is amazing and inspirational. This bit is what Ronan had to say before launching into Fearless live.

There is only one purpose to the song Fearless: …don’t be afraid. This song is about letting go, losing your inhibition, and just doing what ever the hell you want to. Cuz who gives a damn what your friends think? Why waste your time obeying the opinions of others?

Inspiring, to put it into a single word. The song itself is amazing. When I’m feeling unsure about something, feeling anxious, or simply feeling down I sing this song. “I’m not alone, I’m not afraid, I’m not unhappy”.